At the edge of dreams… Plus more from Bataan~! (#49 – Between Fantasies)

Does anyone else here keep a dream journal~?

I’d love to share mine someday but, in short—I’ve always loved challenging myself to record my own dreams and just see how… well, chaotic they can be-!

Among my friends, I have one whose dreams resemble what living in a movie poster would be like, and I have another who sees their dreams as if they were mangas / manhwas…

Me personally? I tend to experience dreams in a first-person manner, but the medium varied—In fact, it usually changes in the middle of a dream!

One of my entries to my journal this June, for example, transitions frequently from realistic scenes, to video game moments, complete with objectives and maps that I could see like with a VR headset…

That dream also unusual in another way: I found myself randomly swapping between my actual self and a different person who… Doesn’t exist at all—I went googling in the morning and she did have some resemblance to a British politician, but that aside, this was someone completely new my mind just *poofed* into existence!

One moment about that dream lingered with me though…


“When the rest of the world walks out…”

Around halfway through the dream, I ended up in this unfamiliar shopping mall and befriended… someone.

I don’t know who she is at all—I didn’t get her name at any point in the dream, she doesn’t have any resemblance to anyone I personally know, and the setting was too surreal for me to feel she’s based on anyone I’ve ever met…

But- we got along well!

Some of my real friends were in that dream, but they were more of side characters in the overall “story”: whoever this person was, they were the one I spent the most time with, so waking up that day was… sadly disappointing (T . T)

For me, finding out the new person I befriended and spent hours with didn’t actually exist was… well, it hurt me a bit—I felt there was so much more about that person I could’ve learned, but of course, it was time for me to return to reality, wasn’t it?

What I didn’t realise at the time was that this kind of dream would become… a reoccurring thing.

The pattern I’d experience was always the same: I’d go somewhere new, meet someone new, have fun just hanging out for a while, and then at some point I’d leave and realise I never got that person’s contact details or anything…

A lot of the spiritual stuff about dreams is pretty-interesting, but I like to believe that this is just reflecting… well, some of the loneliness brought about by the pandemic (-_-)zzz

Whenever I’d wake from one of these dreams, I’d always feel a little empty and disappointed that I couldn’t learn more about whoever I’d met—but that’s kinda funny, isn’t it?

Everything was just my unconscious imagination: While I’m conscious, I could give these people all a name, an identity, a family, anything to satisfy that desire!

But doing that here in reality doesn’t feel the same…

I feel a bit uncomfortable “editing” my dreams actually—I just think there’s like a barrier between our conscious and unconscious moments that would ideally stand, no?

So… I’ve wondered for a while now~

What happens to someone who’s trapped in-between their dreams and their reality—?


A fine line…

So I’m getting a bit carried away here—let’s head back in time by a while~!

By September last year, I had a lot of these questions about dreams in mind too—But I wasn’t really looking for answers~

I’m no neurologist or psychologist or anything, so I’m really not qualified to clarify more, but I’ve read of some studies into people who can’t tell dreams apart from reality—The research does exist in his field!

But I love thinking about this topic in a more spiritual or fantastical way—Like let’s say here that dreams happen in some alternate reality that we access for just a moment-!

What if you get stuck between there and our world?

Heehee~ I don’t actually believe any of this, but it’s fun to think about…

And these thoughts eventually inspired me to try and make some track out of it!

When I first began producing my second album The Broadcast, Between Fantasies stood out among all my other ideas for a few reasons!

It was:

  • the only idea that wasn’t political in any way!
  • the only song intended to be a lengthy piece.
  • one of only three tracks composed primarily on piano / keyboards.
  • the only track to not follow any standard meter or tempo.

I wanted to create a song based entirely off the moods, and I think even the intro captures how chaotic my composition of this song was!

What you’re hearing are two keyboards played in reversing glissandos, which I imagined as a way of representing that clash between reality and fantasy right from the start~!

But from there, my direction starts to… fade a lot.

I honestly don’t think Between Fantasies is awful, and in terms of being utterly-unpredictable, I feel like I did achieve that to an extent!

And maybe you’ll have a much better or worse opinion of the song than I did, in which case, I’d love to hear what you think-! *\(^o^)/*

But I also find it a bit hard to say more about this song since I recorded it basically on a whim…

Everything after that intro? I did it all in the span of a few hours, just because I felt like it~

So there aren’t many interesting musical things I could discuss here—I just had an idea, immediately got to work on it, and came out with something… I personally wish I’d worked on more (`・∀・´)


Aside from fantasies…

I can’t tell you how much I wish I had more to say about this one song~!

Less because I have any fondness for it, but more because I always find these kinds of behind-the-scenes discussions interesting, yeah?

I love the openness I can communicate with here—All my grievances and likings for my works in one place! Free for me or anyone else to look back on, so long as this all remains online of course~

As a compensation of sorts for this short post, I wanted to share some more pictures I got from my time at Bataan, just for the fun of it really~!

The building you can see here’s a replica of the Hotel de Oriente, originally built back in the capital of Manila in the late 1800s—and indeed, it was apparently one of the best and only hotels you could stay at back in those times!

As our guide told us, it was apparently the first place in the country to receive a working telephone, which I find a pretty-interesting little anecdote~

But unlike the house I talked about here, this is just a replica—Heh, I don’t actually remember what happened to the original, but it’s definitely not this…

now I’ll admit first—I forgot the story behind this church… my bad .°(ಗдಗ。)°.

But I do believe it was the original, if I’m remembering correctly!

Like those houses I mentioned last time, I believe these were the actual ruins of the church transported and rebuilt here, but if I’m wrong (I probably am ♪( ´▽`)), then feel free to correct me—My memory is really hazy…

But it’s one heck of a view, isn’t it’s~?

We weren’t actually allowed to enter as far as I remember, but I did get a few photos of myself just outside by the bridge~

Our resort was huge, but I honestly love how that church is visible from so many areas—this was in a plaza right across from the bridge leading to it, I just found this fountain pretty~

Now this place wasn’t the only one I visited while there…

But I wanna save Mt. Samat for a different time~

if only because of how much came to me while I was there…

Take care ‘til then, and all the love to ‘ya all! (=^▽^)σ

3 thoughts on “At the edge of dreams… Plus more from Bataan~! (#49 – Between Fantasies)

  1. I don’t keep a dream journal since most of my dreams are pretty much the same. Getting chased by zombies, ghosts, aliens or serial killers. It’s probably bc I watch too many horror movies and documentaries. (⌒_⌒;) It’s only fun when I realize I’m dreaming and beat them up. lol Yours sound so much more interesting and a lot less scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oddly relatable—A lot of my dreams that I don’t mark usually have either me or somebody close to me dying… I guess maybe we have a few too many pressures in life HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      that reminded me of a “favourite” dream of mine though! becoming lucid halfway through then blasting a horde of zombies… Agreed there, dream power trips are a glorious feeling~ ψ(`∇´)ψ

      Liked by 1 person

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